Why one feel LONELY and REJECTED?
When we are born👶, our mind🧠 has one task and one task only – to keep us alive!
How do you think newborn babies without an ability to speak, walk, or feed themselves accomplish that task? There is only one possible answer – by connecting to adults around them who will perform this task for them.
The only tools that children have are TO BE LOVABLE❤ and ACCEPTED by their surroundings.
In other words, the adults around them need to approve of them in order for them to be accepted and with that SURVIVE.
“Therefore, our most basic urge is not to find food or shelter, but it is actually to FIND CONNECTION AND AVOID REJECTION because we innately believe that connection will enable us to have everything else we need and want.”
When we feel lonely or disconnected when we get rejected or we do not get approval from people around us it causes DEEP EMOTIONAL PAIN within ourselves. We feel as failures because on our deepest level we believe that we are failing in our most important task and that is to SURVIVE!
👉KNOW that it is OK to EXPRESS YOUR NEEDS💯👍
We hear a lot about importance of not caring about other people’s opinions, about being completely fine with being single or losing your job! Unfortunately, when we try to implement that “not caring” in our life we find that it’s possibly the hardest thing we ever did.
So many people are almost crippled😪 by the pain of loneliness and rejection, and WE ARE MAKING THINGS WORSE by telling them that they should just shake it off and not care.
We are shaming people who express their need for connection and acceptance as there is something really wrong with them when in fact they are the ones who understand how our culture made a very wrong turn by implementing disconnection as normality in a society of people for who CONNECTION IS THE MOST BASIC NEED causing a level of unhappiness in the society to skyrocket!
👉To anyone struggling with these issues, I want you to know that there is absolutely nothing❌ wrong with you! You are a perfectly normal human being experiencing the same things anyone else would experience in your situation!
👉ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EMOTIONS CORRECTLY ✅
Contrary to what many people believe, learning how to fulfill your own needs IS NOT a replacement for connection.
There is this popular belief that we should become bulletproof, self-sufficient, and totally independent and then all of our issues will be solved. We won’t need anyone anymore and we will be totally immune to feelings of rejection or loneliness.
The truth is that learning how to provide connection💞, love❤, and compassion💖 for ourselves is crucial, but it is not the ultimate solution to all of our issues. It is THE FIRST STEP in becoming more emotionally resilient, stable, and fulfilled.
In other words, it is the first step in developing PHENOMENAL COPING SKILLS which will enable us to face those emotions in a calmer way.
It is the building of foundations on which we can then build all other relationships in our life.
When we have that part covered, we are able to take more risks in relationships, we see more clearly which people are worth our time and which are not, we are able to recognize what actions should we take to enable and facilitate connection and most importantly we do not reject the possibility of connection when offered to us because we are afraid of rejection.
We value ourselves, we know our worth and this is the place from which we are taking action and when relationships are built from there, their quality and what they provide for us improves rapidly!
So, learning how to provide a feeling of connection for ourselves IS NOT the replacement for connection with others, but in fact it is the FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT TOOL✅ which enables us to do exactly that in a fun, peaceful and fulfilling way!
👉 How to overcome LONELINESS?
LONELINESS IS A FEELING OF INTENSE PAIN THAT IS A RESULT OF OUR BELIEF THAT WE ARE NOT WORTHY OF CONNECTION, LOVE❤, AND BELONGING.
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar to you👇
- No one understands me
- No one supports me
- No one likes me
- No one cares for me
- I do not know how to connect with people
- Something is wrong with me
- I have no one in my life
- I am unworthy of any relationship
- I am all alone
Imagine if I would call someone and recite to them the above para lines. I do not think there’s a human being who would not feel absolutely worthless after that kind of speech however confident and popular they are. I feel bad just by writing it down and reading it. And you are giving yourself that speech on a regular basis.
So what can you do❓
- CHALLENGE YOUR MIND, YOUR THOUGHTS, AND YOUR BELIEFS💯.
- Open up more, Reach out, talk to someone.
- Start Small. Talk about the weather with a friendly stranger at the bus stop.
- Build your confidence in connecting step by step.
- “Small Talk” is how you start building a connection with someone.
- Remember its fun to engage in some small talk just for the sake of it.
and do not take every reaction of someone else so personally. People do things all the time that they themselves do not understand. Trying to figure out their reactions can be exhausting and pointless. they do not have anything with you anyway.
And remember this, the big majority of people in the world believe that they are different and they can not connect and that is the very fact that makes us ALL THE SAME.
👉 How to handle the emotion of being REJECTED?
When you have a certain reaction on rejection from when you were 3 or 5 or 7 or 10, then you really can’t remember or know that you could have a different kind of reaction and that there’s just no need for you to be in that kind of pain
👉I was reminded of an amazing Michael Singer today so I will use his analogy. If you have a thorn in your arm from such young age, you will learn to live with it, you will build your life around it and if someone pushes you or punches you in the arm it will HURT A LOT😪.
You will think that this is how life is and if you try to tell someone of what you’re going through they will confirm that when someone punches you in the arm, it hurts.
But you see there is an enormous difference between a little discomfort that a person without a thorn feels and a huge amount of pain that person with a thorn suffers for hours after the punching has happened.
I am honestly not sure what is worse, being surrounded by people without the thorn who don’t believe the pain you are going through or by people who also have thorns and tell you that this is how life is and you should just suck it up!
Working on my healing and having RTT™ sessions has shown me that a lot of negative⛔ emotions that I have been feeling and that I believed to be normal reactions that I need to deal with were actually a result of unresolved events from my childhood👶. Understanding that, I have reduced the intensity of the triggered emotion which gave me an enormous sense of relief🙂, gave me back my power and control of my life.
I just needed someone who knows how to take out my thorns and I can help you do the same. If your reaction to any rejection is stronger than what is described above👆 I invite you with all my heart❤ to use RTT™, help yourself and drastically improve the quality of your life💯👍!
(RTT™ can be done online over Skype, Zoom, or some other tool with exactly the same level of efficiency which means you can experience a session from the comfort of your own home.
If this sounds appealing to you and you would like to know more, feel free to contact me on:
Facebook: Rapid Transformation By Ivana
E-mail: [email protected]
Looking forward to hearing from you❤)